True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just high enough for therapy.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh god it's open bar.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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