I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
