don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
