This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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