I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
