i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
