Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
