I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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