Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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