My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
