he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just gargled with NyQuil
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
