i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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