I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
