I skipped work to stalk him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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