You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
