I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
