So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
