i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
