You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
