i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
