dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
