Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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