we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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