considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
