I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
