The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Found your dick twin last night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
