So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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