Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
