I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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