I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
