What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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