all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
dude. I can hear the air.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize