just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
