Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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