I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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