So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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