They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
