you guys were way drunker than both of me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
