Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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