If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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