If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
