Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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