She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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