Can i not drive my cunt home
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
