You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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