I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
