I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
