You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
