I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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