drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
