i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
