remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
birth control should be required to get into college
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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