so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
