good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
