Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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