Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
