One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
