4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
