Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
