a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
