You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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