my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
