oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
