Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
