The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
